17yo moved out

[flintknapper]

speedsix wrote:

we should stick to our principles,

Correct.

not condoning the wrong

.
Correct

but not condemning the prodigal

The prodigal, no....his/her ACTIONS....yes! We should not be unclear about this. Parents (these days) often fail in this area.

always communicating the father's love

Yes, the 'love' (and concern) for the child can always be there, though the actions of the child be condemned. At no time should the child's inappropriate actions be overlooked/excused AS PROOF of the parents "love"...which unfortunately is what we see more often than not. Though...I am certain YOU understand the difference by what you have posted here.

which will usually draw them back home when they do wake up.

Exceptions exist, but yes...unless some life altering consequence of their poor decision making befalls them first, MOST of them straighten out.

[Bullwhip]

If a 17 year old don't go to school, parents can be fined. Parents are still responsible. Unless a judge says otherwise I think you have to let them live there.

[cbunt1]

And I'm not sure if there's still a distinction between 17 year old boys and 17 year old girls...there was at one time.

Last time I checked on it, at least with a contact in CPS, if your 17 year old daughter walks out the door of her own volition, you're free to change the locks. Not so with your 17 year old son.

That's the legal side of it, as I was told by CPS 4 years ago. I'm not a lawyer, and I didn't stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

That said, we went through some tough times with our daughter, and all I can say is there's no right answer. I wish you all the best, and you are in my prayers.

Time has passed for us, and our daughter has matured into a very sensible young woman, and we are all the stronger for the turmoil. I'll never get those sleepless nights back, and I truly empathize with you.

I pray that your situation resolves itself in due course, with God's guidance.

[Crossfire]

Whatever the outcome of this, we know you are in a very tough situation and we will pray for your family.

[Oldgringo]

Yes, but in the parable of the prodigal son, the young man finally comes to his senses, in humility… recognizes his foolishness and decides to return to his father and ask for forgiveness and mercy.

IF this same repentant spirit exists in the OP’s Son…then yes… he should be received with open arms, IF NOT…then perhaps nothing will be gained except the enabling of the lad.

Important for Christians to forgive (where appropriate), but at the same time NOT be made a fool of.
I’ve seen it work both ways.

Flint.

Well said!

[apostate]

My 17yo son moved out about a month ago reality is setting in and he wants to move back here, I really don't want him here he is trouble with no end in sight. Do I have to let him back in my house?

Several people have answered the question of what they believe you should do. Here are my thoughts on the question you asked.

The Texas Family Code says (151.001) a parent has "the duty to support the child, including providing the child with clothing, food, shelter, medical and dental care, and education" and also says (261.001) neglect includes "the failure by the person responsible for a child's care, custody, or welfare to permit the child to return to the child's home without arranging for the necessary care for the child after the child has been absent from the home for any reason, including having been in residential placement or having run away."

There are various definitions for child in Texas law, but the one closest seems to be in Title 5, Subtitle A, Chapter 101 of the Texas Family Code: ""Child" or "minor" means a person under 18 years of age who is not and has not been married or who has not had the disabilities of minority removed for general purposes."

That said, I hesitate to draw conclusions. IANAL and to me, the Family Code makes the Penal Code look clear and concise.

[Dragonfighter]

...of course you're right...but the father didn't go chasing after him out in the far lands...but stayed home being who he was...doing what he did...but spent time looking for the boy to return...and, one day, saw him coming "afar off", hiked up his stately robes, and ran down the road to meet him, wildly welcoming him home...
...by feeling as that father did...and reacting as that father did, once the son learned his lessons, the son ran for home...a condemning and hateful attitude when the boy left would have changed the story...
...we should stick to our principles, not condoning the wrong...but not condemning the prodigal...always communicating the father's love...which will usually draw them back home when they do wake up...

Excellent post.

Added in Edit: This learned from my own rebellious spirit. 17 is the age of consent in Texas, you can move out, you can quit school, you can cohabitate. But they are in a limbo by this, you cannot enter into a contract (unless emancipated or co-signed), you cannot drink or vote. But you sure can burn bridges.

[suthdj]

My 17yo son moved out about a month ago reality is setting in and he wants to move back here, I really don't want him here he is trouble with no end in sight. Do I have to let him back in my house?

Several people have answered the question of what they believe you should do. Here are my thoughts on the question you asked.

The Texas Family Code says (151.001) a parent has "the duty to support the child, including providing the child with clothing, food, shelter, medical and dental care, and education" and also says (261.001) neglect includes "the failure by the person responsible for a child's care, custody, or welfare to permit the child to return to the child's home without arranging for the necessary care for the child after the child has been absent from the home for any reason, including having been in residential placement or having run away."

There are various definitions for child in Texas law, but the one closest seems to be in Title 5, Subtitle A, Chapter 101 of the Texas Family Code: ""Child" or "minor" means a person under 18 years of age who is not and has not been married or who has not had the disabilities of minority removed for general purposes."

That said, I hesitate to draw conclusions. IANAL and to me, the Family Code makes the Penal Code look clear and concise.

Thank you, I knew when I asked the question I would get a lot of responses and few answers, that being said all are appreciated.

A little history he has assaulted me 3 times ticketed once,arrested once(21 days in jail), and the last time I did not bother to call police I was driving him to hospital for his drug over indulgence when he punched me and broke my nose not to mention his over all general attitude, which is a know it all gangsta with no respect for anyone or anything and he is on juvenile probation(They do nothing). He was living in a house with a meth addict and a metal case who assaulted him twice(poetic justice) he saw what the drug was doing and wanted out of that situation. I let him move his stuff back in today but I think he is going to end up back on the street when he is 18(1 month) his mother refused to let him stay with her. My current wife has made it clear he is not welcome here when he is 18, she is currently in China to avoid him and his influence on my 3yo. It is in general a lose lose for me.

[Oldgringo]

My 17yo son moved out about a month ago reality is setting in and he wants to move back here, I really don't want him here he is trouble with no end in sight. Do I have to let him back in my house?

Several people have answered the question of what they believe you should do. Here are my thoughts on the question you asked.

The Texas Family Code says (151.001) a parent has "the duty to support the child, including providing the child with clothing, food, shelter, medical and dental care, and education" and also says (261.001) neglect includes "the failure by the person responsible for a child's care, custody, or welfare to permit the child to return to the child's home without arranging for the necessary care for the child after the child has been absent from the home for any reason, including having been in residential placement or having run away."

There are various definitions for child in Texas law, but the one closest seems to be in Title 5, Subtitle A, Chapter 101 of the Texas Family Code: ""Child" or "minor" means a person under 18 years of age who is not and has not been married or who has not had the disabilities of minority removed for general purposes."

That said, I hesitate to draw conclusions. IANAL and to me, the Family Code makes the Penal Code look clear and concise.

Thank you, I knew when I asked the question I would get a lot of responses and few answers, that being said all are appreciated.

A little history he has assaulted me 3 times ticketed once,arrested once(21 days in jail), and the last time I did not bother to call police I was driving him to hospital for his drug over indulgence when he punched me and broke my nose not to mention his over all general attitude, which is a know it all gangsta with no respect for anyone or anything and he is on juvenile probation(They do nothing). He was living in a house with a meth addict and a metal case who assaulted him twice(poetic justice) he saw what the drug was doing and wanted out of that situation. I let him move his stuff back in today but I think he is going to end up back on the street when he is 18(1 month) his mother refused to let him stay with her. My current wife has made it clear he is not welcome here when he is 18, she is currently in China to avoid him and his influence on my 3yo. It is in general a lose lose for me.

I would not have let him back in; especially, with that history of assault. Which begs the question of why you didn't file assault charges after each and every assault? For lack of other definition, it's called "tough love".

You're a soft touch, good luck and God bless.

[Keith B]

Sounds like he needs professional help to get past this, and that will need to include family counseling for all. The first thing that will need to happen is for him to admit he has a severe problem and want to get past this, then you will all need to help him acheive that goal. Prayers for him and you to get past this and on the road to recovery and healing.

[Dave2]

My current wife has made it clear he is not welcome here when he is 18, she is currently in China to avoid him and his influence on my 3yo. It is in general a lose lose for me.

If I'm avoiding someone, I, too, like to hangout somewhere with good food, but halfway around the world seems a bit excessive...

At least you'll be able to kick him out again in a month. And you might want to talk the police into have a few officers hanging out if your son really is as belligerent as you've made him sound.

[Commander Cody]

I would let him come home. At least I would know where he is. Easier to keep on track I think. JMHO.

[suthdj]

Sounds like he needs professional help to get past this, and that will need to include family counseling for all. The first thing that will need to happen is for him to admit he has a severe problem and want to get past this, then you will all need to help him acheive that goal. Prayers for him and you to get past this and on the road to recovery and healing.

He has been seeing a shrink however only because his PO made him, you know the saying about "leading a horse to water".

[suthdj]

My current wife has made it clear he is not welcome here when he is 18, she is currently in China to avoid him and his influence on my 3yo. It is in general a lose lose for me.

If I'm avoiding someone, I, too, like to hangout somewhere with good food, but halfway around the world seems a bit excessive...

At least you'll be able to kick him out again in a month. And you might want to talk the police into have a few officers hanging out if your son really is as belligerent as you've made him sound.

LOL, she is Chinese and her family is there.

[threoh8]

Last time I checked on it, at least with a contact in CPS, if your 17 year old daughter walks out the door of her own volition, you're free to change the locks. Not so with your 17 year old son.

Be very careful about what CPS people tell you, especially when it's not in a formal, recorded situation. Sometimes, they're winging it (to put it nicely).