How to convince husband to carry

[SassedandLoaded]

MEN!
I need your input and suggestions.
I carry my gun every single day, every where I go (as allowed by the law).
My husband has had his CHL for 4+ years now, and has yet to EVER carry. EVER!

I take my personal safety very seriously, and I am at the shooting range almost every week, attend defensive training classes, read countless books, and participate in IDPA. I take steps and precautions out in public, and within my home. An outsider might say that I am obsessed with my personal safety, but to me, I know what my life is worth, and what I would do to defend it.

I have tried to convince him to carry, to be more aware of his surroundings, to lock doors, etc etc. His response is always "I don't need to carry it, I feel safe."

I don't want to become a nag, but I love him more than anything, and want him to see and understand the importance of protecting himself.

What is the best way to get through to him? Should I just give up and accept that I need to be aware and prepared for the both of us?

Help! And Thank You in advance!

[TomsTXCHL]

I'm the "gun guy" in our marriage and when my non-gun wife showed an interest in getting a license and carrying (to protect herself when out birding in remote/isolated locations) I was all for it, helped her get a gun and her CHL, and got a CHL myself though I feel no particular need to carry because I rarely go anywhere that makes me feel as if I'm at risk. Intellectually I understand that anything can happen any place and any time, but... I just haven't yet been motivated to carry and thus can't tell you what MIGHT motivate your husband.

Maybe he feels safe cuz you're so well-prepared yourself! :)

But more likely it's just his nature to be, what is the opposite of paranoid, "trusting"?

No guy wants to be bested by a woman!

Hey, I wouldn't mind it. In fact, if Gina Carino asked me to marry her...hmmm (off to daydream)!

[RoyGBiv]

I don't think you're gonna convince him.
Keep supporting whatever level of interest he has in shooting, even if it's just the occasional range practice.

Eventually he'll come around, or not.
I don't think it's something that you can cause someone to "want" to do. There's definitely some measure of inconvenience to it.

Maybe get him a locking car safe for a gift and make it easier for him to keep a gun in the car? If he's expressed any particular objections (it's uncomfortable, too heavy, etc) there may be some "gifts" you can buy him to try and resolve those sort of objections, but just realize those "objections" might just be excuses for "not wanting to". Don't push too hard, unless you find that you've had success with him that way. Probably would not work for me.

[Paul's Shield]

I recently just got my CHL but like TomsTXCHL said "Intellectually I understand that anything can happen any place and any time," I go places that I know I'm at very little to no risk. At night time if I leave the house, I always carry. If I leave early and anticipate being out all day I carry. If at home on Saturday and need to run to the local hardware, I don't carry. I would say that since I received my CHL I have carried about 85% with recently increasing that percentage b/c I have purchased a small .380, but again it just really all depends.

[karder]

I don't think you're gonna convince him.
Keep supporting whatever level of interest he has in shooting, even if it's just the occasional range practice.

Eventually he'll come around, or not.

Carrying a weapon is a big responsibility and I don't know that you can force somebody to shoulder that responsibility. Your husband has to make that choice.

My wife was afraid of guns when we got married. Soon after she started shooting with me. Every once and again I would suggest that she get her CHL, but she never wanted to. Then one day out of the blue, she told me she signed up for a CHL class. I never asked what changed, but told her I thought it was a great idea. Soon after she got her license, but never carried. I had a lot of guns that she was welcome to carry, but she did not like any of them. After awhile, we went out and got her an M&P Shield. She shot it at the range, and carried it on a few occasions, but rarely. About six months after getting the Shield, I picked up an XDs in 9mm that I intended to use for an occasional smaller carry option for myself. She shot it at the range and commented on how she liked it better than the Shield, but she could not really articulate why, just that "it is easier to use". I don't know what about the XDs was "easier", but for whatever reason, she just took to it better. Shortly after that, I noticed that she started carrying the XDs. We never talked about it, and I never asked her why she decided to start carrying, (or why she stole my gun ) but she now carries every single day. From start to finish, this was about a 6 year process for her. She can be a pretty stubborn lady and does not like being pressured, so I just introduced her to the idea, and let her come around on her own. I now use the Shield for my small carry option and she carrys/shoots the XDs exclusively. As with all things, being a good example and carrying yourself will go a long way to influencing his behavior.

[chasfm11]

I wasn't going to carry daily either. I got my CHL so that we would be legal to have a pistol with us in the RV.

What changed:

1. I started reading this forum. My interest increased.
2. I started examining the crime reports that are posted here and in links from posts here like Police One. The conclusion that I reached is that while confronting a BG today at Wally World isn't likely, it is possible. I haven't had a flat tire in 10 years but I still carry spares in all the vehicles and periodically check them for proper inflation. How could I do less with my life and the lives of my family?
3. I overcame the two major worries that most of us have to deal with - will I end up shooting myself and will I end up in the back of a squad car because I did something wrong carrying. Like you, I struggled at first with "one in the pipe". Initially, I did a lot of disarming and re-holstering and it took a lot of practice at home for me to believe that I could do that repeatedly and safely.

A comment there. I operate lots of potentially destructive machines - chain saws, radial arm saws, nail guns, etc. I'm a musician and any small "deviation" in the proper handling of one of those devices is going to end my musical career. I've known that and respected that for more than 40 years. I reasoned that if I could make myself concentrate on the safe handling of power equipment, a gun is no different. There is no such thing as a casual action with a firearm and I put full concentration into every one of them. Once I got past worrying that I wouldn't concentrate as fully as required, I could not worry as much about it. I know that it sounds stupid when I write it but it is the repetition of re-holstering over time helped me just like always following the safety rules with saws had.

4. I became more militant politically and, as a result, more focused on exercising my 2nd Amendment rights. I wouldn't hesitate to challenge an anti-gun situation today. 3 years ago, I probably would have just ignored them. I write to businesses that post 30.06 signs, challenge cities that try to make it difficult to carry and just about anything else that I believe will further the pro-gun agenda. It is clear to me that the anti-gun people are active. We cannot be less active and expect to win or at least hold our own.

5. Time. While your hubby has had 4+ years, perhaps the factors have not yet be right for him. Initially, I received some family resistance and time helped them, too. The longer you carry without problems, the better the chance that he'll see that any concerns that he might have about doing it are unfounded or at least unreasonable. It took me time, too.

I hope this helps. Positive re-enforcement of your own activities rather than commenting on his (or the lack of them) is likely going to be more successful in helping him to see the light and carry more regularly. How about suggesting that he keep a gun in the car? It isn't the same as on-body but it might help get there.

[RoyGBiv]

I find this "shoe on the other foot" discussion interesting.
If roles were reversed (wife didn't want to carry) I don't think any of the advice here would be any different, just the pronouns reversed.

[Tic Tac]

I find this "shoe on the other foot" discussion interesting.
If roles were reversed (wife didn't want to carry) I don't think any of the advice here would be any different, just the pronouns reversed.

I think that's a good thing because most of us probably don't know the individuals and can't offer specific suggestions. Persuasion that works on me doesn't necessarily work on my siblings, much less imperfect strangers.

I was going to jokingly suggest that nagging is a time proven method but that was already ruled out. With adults the best you can do is be supportive and encouraging when they move toward what you want. It's like the old joke about how many psychiatrists it takes to change a lightbulb.

[Jim Beaux]

I hate encumbrances & travel light.

I dont like to carry a lot of keys, a wallet, glasses or wear a hat, jacket, shoes or even socks; much less carry a pistol....too much to keep up with. It is all a matter of personal preferences and maybe this is the case with hubby.

Other than an invitation to the range, leave him alone.

As a joke insist that he remove the spare tire and jack from his car cuz he will never need em!

[anygunanywhere]

I hate encumbrances & travel light.

I dont like to carry a lot of keys, a wallet, glasses or wear a hat, jacket, shoes or even socks; much less carry a pistol....too much to keep up with. It is all a matter of personal preferences and maybe this is the case with hubby.

Other than an invitation to the range, leave him alone.

As a joke insist that he remove the spare tire and jack from his car cuz he will never need em!

Or remove fire extinguishers from the house.

Or stop using seat belts until you need them.

For some reason or another Mrs Anygunanywhere is more successful at persuading me to do something than I am persuading her. I can't understand at all what the difference is.

Anygunanywhere

[SewTexas]

this is so interesting.....it's never been the wife trying to persuade the husband


I don't have any insight for you. My husband carried first in our home. He carried because he felt he should be prepared to protect me and our children, he felt that God had given him blessings and he should protect them. He knew he would never be able to live with himself if anything should happen to us and he could have prevented it. He never pushed me, but because of his belief I came to realize that I had a responsibility to protect my children with all available tools, including obtaining a CHL and carrying. (understand, a friend of ours had just left Luby's before the shooter went in, we felt/feel that incident very personally.)

[The Annoyed Man]

Maybe remind him that it is HIS job to protect you, not YOUR job to protect him, and he is falling down on the job?

Others are probably right. You're not likely to convince him. You're also not the first person to post here with the complaint that their spouse isn't taking CHL seriously enough....although usually the gender roles are reversed. My own view is that you cannot convince such a person. They have to be frightened into making the decision to start carrying; and unfortunately, that requires an incident so disturbing that it makes them realize just how bad it could have been......and they had left their gun at home. The person who has had that experience will likely start carrying.

One thing you could try is to use the fire extinguisher analogy on him. "Yes honey, but I don't worry about having a kitchen fire either.......but we have a fire extinguisher in the kitchen exactly because we realize that, despite our expectations, a fire could happen."

.....or.....

"Yes dear, but even though I'm not worried about the house burning down in the middle of the night, we still have smoke alarms throughout the house........just in case....."

But, neither of these very logical ripostes are likely to gain traction with him. Like some of our wise old-heads say (I'm just old, not wise), "Carry 24/7 or guess right." He'll have to guess wrong once and have a close call before he's convinced. If that doesn't convince him, then you have my permission to call him an idiot® (registered trademark of The Annoyed Man).

[Wodathunkit]

Have you considered trading him in on a newer model?

[WildBill]

I find this "shoe on the other foot" discussion interesting.
If roles were reversed (wife didn't want to carry) I don't think any of the advice here would be any different, just the pronouns reversed.

Carrying a weapon is a big responsibility and I don't know that you can force somebody to shoulder that responsibility. Your husband has to make that choice.

Leave him alone. If he does decide to carry he does, if he doesn't he doesn't.