A true comedy from the storm

[RPBrown]

First, let me say I wasn't sure where to put this. Started to put it in in Animal Rescue section but that was more for groups, thought about the Never Again section but that is mostly gun related, then there is LEO and Bloopers but I figured that the Bloopers was for LEO contacts only so I chose Off Topic. Seems to fit.

TRUE STORIES:

Anyway, now for the story. It was the 4th day of no power at the house, my Koi pond had varying thickness of ice covering it, we had been staying at our office where we had power and we were on one of our "check on the house" excursions. It was my wife, my 110 lb Golden Retriever, and my 90 lb Pit Bull (I know but this isn't a bash the pitbull story*****completely anyway).
First, I pull up to the house and keep pushing the button for the garage door. Okay, no power stupid. Get out and unlock the front door after finding the correct key (we use the garage door as our entry and exit point). Dogs go running in, we get in, I go through and open the back door and the dogs go running out. Apparently, there was a bird or squirrel on the ice in the pond so bot dogs headed that way, nothing unusual. Then I hear the splash and the whimpering along with frantic splashing sounds. I turn around and sure enough, the pit bull had slid off of the side of the pond, out onto and the into the pond. He was trying frantically to get back to the edge and out. Seeing his issue I, being the "Best Dog Dad in the World" (or so says my shirt) jumped in, grabbed him and lifted him onto the side then I crawl out. He runs to the door where my wife, who was watching, was waiting on him with a towel and took him in, drying him off and covering him with a blanket......All while I am still standing at the back door, dripping icicle's, while trying to get out of my wet clothes (didn't care who saw me either). After what seemed to be an hour, although only about 10 minutes but still too long, she brings me a towel and blanket. Now I love my wife and pretty sure she loves me, and I love my dogs. But come on, they have hair , I had jeans and a shirt (threw my jacket off before I went in) and had to come out of them .

Fast forward to yesterday morning. We had a line of storms move through yesterday morning between 3:30 and 6:30. Let the dogs out back and all 3 (we have a little 15lb mixed up breed also). headed to the corner of our back yard by a power pole and just raising cane. I head out there in the mud and water and see they have a possum cornered behind the pole between it ant the fence. Now, they are not going to back off the possum and he ain't coming out with them there so I go up, grab the collar on both big dogs and try to pull them back. Then, the little dog, bless her brave heart, decides to bite the possum's tail. . When she did, the possum comes out and climbs up my leg, all I can see are these giant teeth looking up at me , then it takes off and both big dogs went after it, while I am still holding their collars. Pulled me down in the slick mud, ran across top of me getting muddy prints on my shirt as well as jeans, all the while, my wife is standing there watching and laughing . I did say I love my wife and dogs, right

[The Annoyed Man]

Have you sat down and talked to your wife yet about priorities?

[RPBrown]

Have you sat down and talked to your wife yet about priorities?

Tried to but she doesn't seem to have any. 32 years with that woman you would think I would learn. I did say I love her right

[puma guy]

First, let me say I wasn't sure where to put this. Started to put it in in Animal Rescue section but that was more for groups, thought about the Never Again section but that is mostly gun related, then there is LEO and Bloopers but I figured that the Bloopers was for LEO contacts only so I chose Off Topic. Seems to fit.

TRUE STORIES:

Anyway, now for the story. It was the 4th day of no power at the house, my Koi pond had varying thickness of ice covering it, we had been staying at our office where we had power and we were on one of our "check on the house" excursions. It was my wife, my 110 lb Golden Retriever, and my 90 lb Pit Bull (I know but this isn't a bash the pitbull story*****completely anyway).
First, I pull up to the house and keep pushing the button for the garage door. Okay, no power stupid. Get out and unlock the front door after finding the correct key (we use the garage door as our entry and exit point). Dogs go running in, we get in, I go through and open the back door and the dogs go running out. Apparently, there was a bird or squirrel on the ice in the pond so bot dogs headed that way, nothing unusual. Then I hear the splash and the whimpering along with frantic splashing sounds. I turn around and sure enough, the pit bull had slid off of the side of the pond, out onto and the into the pond. He was trying frantically to get back to the edge and out. Seeing his issue I, being the "Best Dog Dad in the World" (or so says my shirt) jumped in, grabbed him and lifted him onto the side then I crawl out. He runs to the door where my wife, who was watching, was waiting on him with a towel and took him in, drying him off and covering him with a blanket......All while I am still standing at the back door, dripping icicle's, while trying to get out of my wet clothes (didn't care who saw me either). After what seemed to be an hour, although only about 10 minutes but still too long, she brings me a towel and blanket. Now I love my wife and pretty sure she loves me, and I love my dogs. But come on, they have hair , I had jeans and a shirt (threw my jacket off before I went in) and had to come out of them .

Fast forward to yesterday morning. We had a line of storms move through yesterday morning between 3:30 and 6:30. Let the dogs out back and all 3 (we have a little 15lb mixed up breed also). headed to the corner of our back yard by a power pole and just raising cane. I head out there in the mud and water and see they have a possum cornered behind the pole between it ant the fence. Now, they are not going to back off the possum and he ain't coming out with them there so I go up, grab the collar on both big dogs and try to pull them back. Then, the little dog, bless her brave heart, decides to bite the possum's tail. . When she did, the possum comes out and climbs up my leg, all I can see are these giant teeth looking up at me , then it takes off and both big dogs went after it, while I am still holding their collars. Pulled me down in the slick mud, ran across top of me getting muddy prints on my shirt as well as jeans, all the while, my wife is standing there watching and laughing . I did say I love my wife and dogs, right

Yeah, yeah, yeah... but how is the possum?

[powerboatr]

excellent opossums are cool critters

[flechero]

If I buy you a ring camera will you put it up in the back yard so we can have video of the next few stories!!!!

[TomV]

I love my pitty mix. He doesn't understand how other dogs can have so much fun in a pool. He is too dense and just sinks.

A couple years ago he caught a young opossum and it did what it does. It played dead. It was drenched from doggie drool, but not a mark on it. Not sure if it was live or dead, I just left it in the back yard to deal with later and it was gone the next morning.

[Syntyr]

Awesome! I'll chip in $20 for the Ring camera install. Sounds like cheap entertainment!

Along the same vein, I think TAM posted this previously. It had me rolling it's so funny.

https://twitfall.com/funny-stories/ropi ... nny-story/

I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it.

The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that, since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hogtie it and transport it home.

I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were not having any of it. After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up — 3 of them. I picked out a likely-looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me.

I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good hold. The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation. I took a step towards it…it took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope and then received an education.

The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope. That deer EXPLODED.

The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight down with a rope and with some dignity. A deer– no chance. That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had originally imagined. The only upside is that they do not have as much stamina as many other animals.

A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head. At that point, I had lost my taste for corn-fed venison.
I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope.

I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing, and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual.

Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer’s momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in, so I didn’t want the deer to have it suffer a slow death, so I managed to get it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder – a little trap I had set before hand…kind of like a squeeze chute. I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I could get my rope back.

Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite somebody, so I was very surprised when I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist. Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you and then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head –almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts.

The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective. It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds. I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now) tricked it.

While I kept it busy tearing the bejesus out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose. That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day. Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp.

I learned a long time ago that, when an animal — like a horse -strikes at you with its hooves and you can’t get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape. This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different strategy.

I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run.

The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head. Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down.

Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed.
What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head.

I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away. So now I know why when people go deer hunting they bring a rifle with a scope so that they can be somewhat equal to the Prey.

[RottenApple]

True story (but not mine): Neighborhood Hazard (Or: Why the Cops Won't Patrol Brice Street)